Movie: Patina

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

PATINA

An Alan Maxson Film, 2019

Directed by Alan Maxson

I just started giving my reviews on films that Mommy didn't have anything to do with and she suggested that I start out with this short film by a new friend she met at one of those stupid film stuff events that she keeps going away forever for.

"Patina" is about a guy who brings home a really smart robot to help his girlfriend out around the house. His girlfriend isn't happy about this because she thinks his new toy is creepy.

I have to agree with the girl. The robot is really creepy and he should have just gotten her a stuffed animal and a subscription to a maid service.  

But the dumb guy leaves his girlfriend alone with the creepy robot and things go downhill from there.  He wasn't even nice enough to spread some catnip around to help calm her down before going to work. That would have solved a lot of problems.

When I watched "Patina" I really liked to robot's voice and how he moved.  I'm used to watching unsettling movies so that didn't bother me, but I think the tension in the story would have some of the humans I know climbing the walls.

I didn't like all the yelling though. Why do humans always yell when they get mad?  I mean, if she didn't like the robot she could have just told it to go outside. I say that to the Bad Barky Dog who annoys me all the time.

But overall it is a really good short movie. I don't think Patina is a real thing since most movies aren't, but I would get one for Mommy if I could. I think it would do a better job at following orders than that stupid Roomba that keeps getting stuck under the kitchen cabinets.  I wonder if Patina would clean litter boxes too? 

You can watch Patina on Amazon Prime here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07YL8BGVJ

Movie: Father of Lies

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

FATHER OF LIES 

Rogue Chimera Films LLC, 2019
Directed by Mommy (Shiva Rodriguez)

This is a movie that Mommy directed and I really hate it because she was gone for SIX FOREVERS and she took both Good Daddy and Bad Daddy with her while they were filming it. She even took Good Aunt Sandy and Mean Aunt Lowrie too!

It’s about Norse mythology and I know for a fact that Asgard had some cats running around in it, so I am mad that I didn’t get to be in it too. Then the Bad  Barky Dog told me that he was upset too because they didn’t cast him as a wolf either.

When I got to view the movie, I was happy to see that it didn’t look like any of them were having a good time. In fact, they were doing really bad things to each other! That’s why they need to put a golden beige cat in their movies. They wouldn’t fight so much because they’d be too busy petting me.

It's about how Loki got separated from his children (kinda how like this movie separated me from Mommy!)  Only the other gods got mad at Loki and tied him up. Luckily for him, some other people found him and let him loose!

Some of the people talked weird and they dressed funny, but Bad Daddy tells me that the gods have their own style. I personally think they need a fashion consultant because fur is not a good thing for people to wear.
 

You can see the movie for free on Amazon Prime:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07ZG8PGR3

Movie: Dangerous People

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

 DANGEROUS PEOPLE

Mo Lei Tau Productions, 2017

Directed by Garo Nigoghossian 
 

Mommy did the special effects for this weird movie. I see that Bad Daddy and Good Daddy also worked on it. I'm mad at this movie because it made Mommy go away forever several times, and sometimes both of my Daddys went with her and left me behind!

It's a story about two serial killers who are best friends and they pick up a woman in a bar.  That sounds like the start of a joke, right?  Anyway, they find out that this woman is really smart and things start going really badly for them. 

The costumes were weird, but Mommy tells me that is just how people dressed in the 1970s. There are a few parts that made me a little sleepy while the characters were talking too much, but then something strange and colorful  happens and it perks my attention right back up.

I really like the music in it. And there are some scenes that remind me about how things look when I've had too much catnip.

You can see it for free on Tubi
https://tubitv.com/movies/488710/dangerous_people

Movie: The Family Way Coming Home

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

THE FAMILY WAY: COMING HOME

Rogue Chimera Films LLC, 2017
Directed by Mommy (Shiva Rodriguez)

I have mixed feelings about this movie.  Mommy directed it and they shot most of it at my house so I got to see what was going on. A lot of my friends and family worked on this too. Mean Aunt Lowrie, Good Aunt Sandy, Bad Daddy, Good Daddy, Gammy, and a few other people that I don't have nicknames for yet.

But after it was done, Mommy had to keep going away forever to attend the film festivals around the country that it was showing at. Sometimes she'd be gone for 5 forevers or more at a time! She was bringing home a lot of awards and I guess I should be proud of her for that, but I don't see why the festivals couldn't have just mailed them to her and let her stay home with me.

Lots of people think this is some of Mommy's best work. I think it's very disturbing, especially since there is a little kid in it and I still don't know what to think about small humans. The main character seemed to have a good idea what to do with them though.

It wasn't nearly as bloody as I would expect from Mommy.  I liked the dialogue a lot, but that's only because I recognized a lot of the voices and thought they were talking to me.

You can see it for free on Amazon Prime. 
https://www.amazon.com/Family-Way-Coming-Home/dp/B078PTMW9Q

Movie: Sitter

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

SITTER

LO Pictures, 2015

Directed by Brandon Wane

This movie only took Mommy and Bad Daddy away for one forever, so I can't be too mad about that. They did some of the special effects for this movie.

I think this is more of a twisted dark comedy than a horror movie. It's two films in one and it is very strange but really funny too.

The idea is that a babysitter is going through some pretty creepy experiences, especially after her boyfriend shows up. And on the TV in the house she's sitting at, there's a B-movie playing.  So the film is done in two different styles and it's neat to watch!

The acting was really good, especially one actor who was playing roles in both sides of the movie!  There wasn't anything I didn't like about this movie because the bad things I would normally mention were done intentionally.

I also really liked all the dinosaurs in it. But I still like snakes and sharks better.

You can see it for free on Vimeo.  https://vimeo.com/lopictures/sitter

Movie: Harbinger

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

HARBINGER

Helix Media, 2014

Directed by Scott Sullivan

This is a zombie movie that Mommy, Good Daddy, and Bad Daddy all worked the special effects on. My two Daddys also appeared as Zombies. (Bad Daddy says the stuff he was eating kinda tasted like my wet cat food.)

I'm really mad at this movie because it took Mommy away for two or three forevers!

It's about a zombie apocalypse where a woman and her little girl are trying to survive. They meet up with some soldiers and then all kind of things happen to them.

I liked all the action and the fire. It kind of reminds me of a TV show that Mommy and I watch sometimes. The camera shots were great and Mommy did a pretty good job with the special effects.

All the loud gunshots bothered me a though. How come all the people in these zombie movies use loud guns that would just attract more zombies?  They should have just set the zombies on fire like they did everything else.

You can see it for free on YouTube.  https://youtu.be/on9_XYMZGU4

Movie: American Guinea Pig: Bloodshock

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

AMERICAN GUINEA PIG: BLOODSHOCK

Oddtopsy Films, 2015

Directed by Marcus Koch

 This movie has Mommy in it!

She wasn't even gone for a whole forever. To tell the truth, I didn't even know she was leaving to do stupid film stuff because she didn't take any of her gear with her. I thought she just went on a long shopping trip.

It's a strange film with a lot of torture in it. The special effects are really good! It doesn't have a lot of talking in it, which seems strange to me. Weren't movies once called "talkies"?  I would normally have fallen asleep, but the visuals kept me watching the screen.

But something I really didn't like about this film... I didn't like what they did to my Mommy!

You can see it for yourself on Vimeo:  https://vimeo.com/ondemand/bloodshock

Movie: One Night of Fear

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

 ONE NIGHT OF FEAR

Caisson Films, 2016
Director Brian Troxell

This is a movie that Mommy and Bad Daddy did the special effects for.

I'm really mad at this movie because Mommy was gone for over 6 forevers while they worked on it. I know that she could have taken me with her to the hotel she was staying at, but she said that she was only there for a few hours a day and I'd get bored being by myself.

It's very loosely based on a true story, or at least a rumor about why there are so many disappearances in Ocala Forest in Florida. A few people go on vacation in the woods and are stalked by a killer with some serious grand-daddy issues.

This is a pretty standard slasher story that does have some interesting kills. The actors are pretty good and there are even some funny moments in it.  Sometimes I got a little sleepy with the dialogue scenes though, but then it picks up again with action and some really brutal flashback scenes.

I was surprised to see Bad Daddy and Mean Aunt Lowrie were on the screen! I like what they did to them. I have been wanting to do stuff like that to them for years. 

They also did really bad things to my nice friend Mel, but Mommy says Mel goes through stuff like that all the time in movies.

There was also a big guy who yelled a lot that really scared me. I liked the taller guy better because he just got his business done without hurting my ears.

You can see the movie on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/One-Night-Fear-Jessica-…/…/B01MDU9P3G

Movie: The Figure

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

   

THE FIGURE

Siren Productions Media, 2017

Directed by Mommy (Shiva Rodriguez)

This is the second film that my Mommy directed. Bad Daddy and Good Daddy helped out too along with a bunch of other people that I know personally. (Does that make me a groupie?)

I wasn't really mad about this film because they shot it at my house so I could look out the window and see what was going on. And everyone came in and said hello to me whenever they had to use the bathroom.

It's a horror-comedy story about a group of kids that knowingly go camping in the woods where a masked killer is supposed to live.

It's really bloody and the action scenes are good, but then I almost fell asleep because there was too much dialogue.  The acting was pretty good though. You can't even tell that the one girl really doesn't speak French in real life!

Best of all, my nice friend Mel stars in it and she doesn't get chopped up into cat food like she has in other movies I've seen her in.

Mommy and Bad Daddy are particularly proud of a murder scene they did involving pan pipes, which I have to admit was pretty cool.

You can see it for free on YouTube.  https://youtu.be/_h2_NlMdGvk

Movie: My Sister's Shoes

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

MY SISTER'S SHOES

Wicked Window Productions, 2016
Directed by Monique Guggino

This  is a short film that Mommy and Bad Daddy did the special effects for. They went away for only one forever, so I'm not too mad at this movie.

It takes place during an alien invasion with a handful of people trying to survive.

It starts out pretty slow but then starts picking up the pace about halfway through. It's a good story and I think the acting was really good.  I think Bad Daddy was on the screen too, but I didn't recognize him.

When I watched it I liked the visuals on the screen and how people talked quietly most of the time, but some of the loud noises scared me a little. The aliens seem to have a thing about explosions.

You can see it for free here!   https://youtu.be/xlS5VmuFyJM

Movie: Intervention

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

INTERVENTION

Siren Productions Media, 2010
Directed by Good Daddy (Garith A. Pettibone)

This short film was directed by Good Daddy! It was made before I was born, but if I had been around I wouldn't have minded because it was shot in my house.

It's about a guy who has been hiding a food addiction from his wife so she calls in his sponsor to hold an intervention. It doesn't end well.

I can tell this was made really fast because there are lots of little mistakes in in.  You can even see Gus peeking through the cat door in the background sometimes.

But it's very bloody too, and the ending is both funny and really creepy.

Good Daddy says it was done for a quick contest. Mommy wrote the script and did the special effects for him. And Gammy is even in it!

You can watch it for free on Youtube!  https://youtu.be/Lqz9yuol7R0

Movie: Lean Times

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

LEAN TIMES

Florida Independent Filmmakers, 2013
Directed by John Czere

Mommy did the special effects for it and Good Daddy worked the camera. I was a little mad at this film because it took them both away for one forever and I was stuck alone with Bad Daddy all day.

It's a revenge story that takes place in a world where most of the adults have died off and there are a lot of feral kids running around.

The hero of the story yells a lot, but I guess you can't expect people to be very happy after they've just survived an apocalypse.  The general feeling of despair of the atmosphere was really convincing and reminds me about how I feel whenever we are out of cheese snacks.

Of course, these poor survivors didn't have any cheese snacks to eat, or even crackers. But they made do with whatever happened to be running around.

I was a little creeped out by the kids. I don't see human children very often, so I think they are weird. And it was even worse because these kids sort of acted like dogs.

You can see it for free on YouTube:   https://youtu.be/vdYPh8SDOPQ

Movie: Turtlepocalypse!

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

TURTLEPOCALYPSE!

Siren Productions Media, 2016

Directed by Mommy (Shiva Rodriguez) 

Mommy says that "Turtlepocalypse!" was made just for fun and was done in about 3 hours.

I watched from the window as Mommy, Bad Daddy, Good Daddy, and Mean Aunt Lowrie were outside playing with a big turtle that lives by my house when they were supposed to be working on something else.

It's really just silly and meant to be a parody of those no-budget crazy animal movies that play on the Syfy channel.  I think that they should have done CAT-ASTROPHE instead and just let me bite everyone.

I liked seeing Bad Daddy and Mean Aunt Lowrie screaming in terror. I need to find out what the turtle's secret is.

You can watch it for free on YouTube:  https://youtu.be/DaUvFiNbOaE

Movie: Green From The Grave

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

GREEN FROM THE GRAVE

Space Coast Film & Talent Group, 2014 
Directed by Roy Lewis Gordon

"Green From the Grave" is a short film that Mommy and Bad Daddy did the special effects and stunts for. I'm a little mad at this film because they were gone for one or two forevers.

The story is about a laboratory that accidentally makes a hoard of zombies with a green goo.  This was a little disappointing to me because I thought the green would be fresh catnip, which always makes some of the cats in my house act like freaks.

It kind of reminds me of some of the older zombie flicks that always play on TV in October. There's a lot more dialog than action and the characters cover all the expected troupes, like the bad-ass with a lot of guns and the cigar-chomping sheriff who is just really mad about the situation.

It has some scary scenes in it, but it also has some funny moments too. Some of the lines are kind of cheesy, but I think that was intentional. They reminded me of how Bad Daddy thinks he's being funny when he's picking on me.

I jumped a little from all the loud gun bangs. You'd think humans would know better than make lots of loud noises when zombies are around, but they never do. That's why cats are going to survive the living dead apocalypse.

But I really liked watching the sheriff with his big hat. I was mad when he took it off until I found out why. It looks like Mommy had some fun with him.

You can see it for free on YouTube  https://youtu.be/Be0B9ZnW7-Q

Movie: Monster Safari

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

MONSTER SAFARI

Siren Productions Media, 2008

Directed by Bad Daddy (D. Duckie Rodriguez)

"Monster Safari" was the very first film that my family did. I'm going to embarrass them all by showing it to you.

I hadn't been born yet, but some of the other cats around here tell me that they shot it at home so Mommy wouldn't have been gone forever.


It's a parody on the nature shows that play on TV. "Action Jake" goes around looking for monsters and in this episode he's chasing vampires!

The cinematography isn't great and the editing really sucks, but it was Bad Daddy's first film and he says that they had a budget of about $14.

On the plus side, there are some funny moments that make people laugh and it does have the pacing of a nature show!

I have a hard time recognizing everyone because of all the makeup. And Bad Daddy looks so young! I like to think that I'm responsible for all the gray hair that he has now.

You can see it for free on YouTube:  https://youtu.be/SQkX21SGdW4

Movie: Predatory Moon

If you want me to look at your film, see my rules HERE.

PREDATORY MOON

Siren Productions Media, 2017

Directed by Mommy (Shiva Rodriguez)

This was Mommy's first film as a director and she started working on it right before I was born in 2012.  Fortunately, she didn't film it until 2013 so it didn't take her away from me when I was really little.  But when she did go to shoot it she was gone for over THIRTY FOREVERS! 

It's about a guy who everyone thinks got attacked by a bear, but an animal specialist thinks it was actually a werewolf that bit him. There's a whole town full of people who all have a lot of issues, so I think a werewolf might be not have been the worst thing in the area..

The story is okay but I got sleepy while watching it because of all the talking. It's not like most werewolf movies that pretty much offer up all-you-can-eat buffets for lycanthropes.

The actors were pretty good and they went through a lot! I like what they did to all the main characters (especially Bad Daddy, who really deserved it!)

The werewolves were kind of silly. Mommy could have saved a lot of time by calling them werecats and just unleashing me and my siblings on everyone!

My favorite part isn't in the movie. It's what a lot of people said about it after it was released. They told Mommy that she shouldn't make any more films.  I wish she would have listened to them because then she would have stayed home and paid attention to me all the time.

But Mommy is nothing if not stubborn, so she just kept making movies anyway.

You can see it on Amazon Prime here: 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/0FFLEZEJM6GAOTRNGRW1Q2XMW3

Some Movie Reviews

In October I did a lot of movie reviews on Facebook that all had one thing in common - my Mommy had something to do with them.  So I rated them based on how long they took her away from me.

Soon I'll be doing other film reviews that will not be so biased because Mommy didn't work on them.